In retrospect

Sometimes I wonder why people don't get it when their bullying ways are not forgiven, let alone forgotten. I mean really now, why should it be easy for the offended to let bygones be bygones when the bullying was not a coincidental act but a plotted and planned assault? Well, I say it can never be an easy journey. If we are to be progressive I’d say the process needs a complete overhaul. It would need both the tormentor and victim to be psychologically ready for emancipation, for the reason that all participants would be bearing scars from the past and shackled by their past roles. In many instances the bully would have had absolute power over the victim, and the victim would have been a mouse. So, in order to reach the state of accord, the culprit needs to be freed from his superiority complex and the victim needs to be freed from the sufferer mentality.

For instance, most of us can share anecdotes that portray us in our locked in roles, by which, in retrospect we are drawn to think, I wish I could, would and should have dealt with that incidence along these lines. Yours truly has had her fair share of coulda woulda shoulda moments. I really mean opportunities, big time. where I should have told someone to stick it, but didn’t think it at the time, because my wiring was on victim mode. So I kinda gave the bully the upper hand. Funny enough, when I meet those bullies today they want us to be friends. Why should I? Can you believe how taxing it was for me to duck and dive trying to avoid the bully; I mean I did not even want to make eye contact as that would have meant trouble.

Sometimes we blame our childhood for this foolishness, accusing our parents for over-protecting us hence our being ill-equipped to deal with these evils. In reality symbolic violence was never really the context of your background you were just overpowered by blood-sucking low esteemed individuals who wanted to break you for whatever reason they had. If you think hard about this, these chumps are the real victims, since they are now going around trying to mend fences, as they would say it; they want us to move one! I just love the way things turn out, talk about poetic justice!

On the flip side, like a Phoenix I am reborn, I am not afraid of standing my grounds despite having earned tags like being agro and having a chip on my shoulder and a big ego. In my point of view there are neither chips nor aggression within my disposition I have just out-grown the man-made place or shell and can now categorically and rationally state what I like or don’t like, and not feel awkward about it. The position that I am at is so therapeutic and has made me see things in perspective!

So my point is that the victim goes through sets and sets of emotions; anger, humiliation, emasculation then resentment. When the victim gets there he is pushed into demanding respect or taking back his power. In many instances the victim does not always take the high road to emancipate himself, he can also take the low road. And then things can become really nasty!  It is sad to think that the bully doesn’t always get it, he begins to see chips and egos when victims are emancipated forgetting that under his graceless mannerism victims are pushed to forcefully unshackle the shackles. When things start going down the poor bully is not equipped enough to withstand the heat, he then regresses into being victim. How convenient! What can be irritating as well is that the bully is still demanding when and how to be forgiven. Bullies don’t know when to stop!

Basically bullies must take heed that before things start turning nasty the bully should sort his scheisse out by trying to discover what’s up with him. If his bullying ways may mean that he is a person that needs affection, he should begin with embracing self then everyone. Or if he is one of those that enjoy inflicting pain on others he should see a shrink. If the shrink or his newly found affections aren’t reciprocated, he should start appreciating life in its entirety – perhaps he will find what he is looking for which would lead into his liberation. When emancipated it would be easier to practise tolerance – and making amends where necessary which could lead to happily ever after!  If there is a thing called happily ever after.